We have talked about this topic before and due to the overwhelming role it plays in our lives it just seems like their is so much to say about it. Of course this sight is not for “just” mothers but even those who are not mothers came from a mother…. It is here and now where Feminine Findings is testing out the new “guest” author for the very first time. And I thought it would be most fitting to ask my dear beloved mother to contribute.
Motherhood as most of us know is an evolving journey. When I think about my mother’s journey my views have changed over the years. As a child there was nothing more that I wanted but to be acknowledged and loved by my mother. She was everything to me, my entire world. As a child you don’t understand that mothers are not perfect and have their own needs. Children just love their moms unconditionally.. until that is, they get “older” and see their mother as a necessary burden to contend with. The mother -child relationship is extremely complex as I bet you all can attest to.
Although there is no greater bond, so many of us, due to our imperfections create conflict and wounds. Mothers, I believe most anyway, would never willingly or knowingly hurt their children. Most mothers have dreamed of the day they would take on this role. They willingly give up of themselves to experience and fulfill this innate yearning. When one is faced with an unplanned event the choices to proceed or not to will weigh on that individual for the rest of their lives. This is where I recognized that my own mother made a selfless courageous decision to have her child. I know back then alternatives were limited due to the legality of abortion but many chose to give up their children for adoption if the pregnancy could not be terminated. To escape the shame sometimes this may have appeared to be the only option. Today, society does not cast that same judgement as harshly as it did in the past.
My teen years with my mom were tumultuous. But aren’t these the most difficult years in general? The nine year gap between my sister and I gave my mother different parental challenges all at the same time. And she witnessed her firstborn (with I’m sure much pain) daughter experience things that this daughter (to no fault of her own) took away from her. Once again, everyone has some level of unresolved conflict within themselves that affects not only oneself but our most loved ones. I explored this time in my life later on as an adult through lots of therapy which would result in much healing and understanding.
It was probably when I got married and became a mother of my own that our relationship changed. This was a shared experience. Albeit I was thirty versus sixteen and I was allowed to have someone in the delivery room with me! Regardless, my mother would actually be able to relate to what I was going through. And this experience allowed me to have a better understanding of what my young mother went through. I knew that my feelings and worries at 30 were so intense I could not imagine how I would have felt at 16. Again, her courage was undeniable.
Over the years our relationship grew deeply. Many wounds were healed as she became my closest confidant. She has provided me with endless hours of listening. Her advice has been honest and steady. More than anything she has soothed my soul and I know through our dynamic relationship her love is never ending. She has become my best friend and I am forever grateful that she chose me.
My mom’s journey has come full circle and she has earned her stripes, she is the epitome of this deity and truly this family’s most valued Matriarch. <3
So without further delay enjoy a little glimpse of my beautiful mom, whose shoes I can only pray to fill as gracefully as she filled her moms.
I was asked if I would like to contribute to the next topic of Feminine Findings by my daughter Deborah. Grant you, I am not as gifted with words as she and Natalie but I figured she must have got the gift from somewhere so why not give it a go? Being that we are in the month of May and there is no topic that I know more about than motherhood. Well… maybe I know more about sewing but I’m not sure that would be a huge interest to the overall majority.
Let me start off by saying that I have two beautiful girls and being their mom has brought me much love and indescribable happiness. As all mothers I did not always say or do the right things but I always tried to improve. I had my first baby at the tender age of 16. Yes, I was a baby having a baby.
One might ask me “wasn’t that traumatic?” I’m guessing probably yes.. as I remember very little except for the pain. I do remember being very frightened as I had no idea what childbirth entailed. As I said I do remember the pain when I went into labor (I do not think any woman can ever forget that kind of pain). As the pain progressed they gave me something to calm me. Unfortunately back in ancient times…. (contrary to history) family members or significant others were not allowed to be with you. Imagine a young teen experiencing birth for the first time without any loved one with them. Not sure if any drug given could have made me feel calm. I do know that being allowed to have someone that loved me present would have been my drug of choice. Medicine…. an ever evolving practice. My husband and mother were allowed in after the delivery to welcome our precious little girl.
To say that having a child nine years later I was in a better place is an understatement. Child number one was not planned as you know. Who chooses to have babies at 16? Historically that may have been the normal age but not for a long long time has this been a “good” time. We as a couple literally had nothing and I do mean nothing. We both had to work so we had to take our new baby out to a sitter. Luckily, we had some wonderful family members who were a great help. It would have been twice as painful if I had to leave her with strangers. Taking her out every morning was quite enough heartbreak.
I had no experience at all with a new baby so I had much to learn. Honestly, my husband had more experience than I did as he would take care of his baby brother. Fortunately, I had a wonderful mother myself who taught me how to care for this new life. She also helped in so many other ways and I could not have done it if not for all the support from my family.
Nine years later with the birth of my second daughter I was well prepared with lots of experience to draw from. Although, I was still alone in the delivery room which just brought back the same feelings of anxiety from nine years ago. Going home I was way more confident with nine years of mothering under my belt. I also had my own mother’s helper who could not wait to take care of her little sister.
This time I was fortunate enough to be able to stay home and care for my second daughter. This was a huge benefit for both myself and my baby. Many times this luxury is not possible but when it is, it is a big win for the entire family. Being a mom is truly an amazing experience. Even though I made plenty of mistakes along the way I loved my two beautiful girls with all my heart.
So I’ll finish by saying if you listen to an old song for the memories they bring, it’s because you had a mother who taught your heart to sing. If you stop and help a neighbor or someone in need it’s because you had a mother who taught you kindness. And lastly, if you pray to God when things are weighing heavily, it’s because you had a mother who taught you to pray for wisdom and solace. God Bless and Happy Mother’s Day to all Mothers, young, old and in between!
This is a beautiful and personal reflection of motherhood and it made me misty eyed to read it. I enjoyed the post very much. Thank You Ladies and Happy Mothers Day to you both.