Maybe not really over spilled milk but do you cry easily? Or are you someone with nerves of steel and it takes something major for you to even shed a tear? I feel like I cry at the drop of a pin. My mother always used to say I was such a “cry baby”. Whether she was kidding or not I always felt so bad about my tears (sorry mom). Unfortunately for me, it is something I have little control over. Once the spigot is open and starts flowing its hard to shut it off.
Do you know that science does not know why we cry? I guess it is obvious that emotions evoke tears but we do not know why our bodies physically produce tears. Humans are the only species that cry in response to emotions. Some people don’t cry at all or say they are unable to. For me this is a difficult concept to wrap my head around as I myself have been and continue to be a water fountain. So many times I wished I could stop my flowing river… envied those who seemed to always have their emotions in check, never giving in to weakness. Why I associated it with weakness seems odd as socially in our culture it always seemed it was more acceptable to cry if you were a female. For males to cry it was seen as weakness but I still felt weak when I let my emotions take over.
The weakness I felt led me to believe there was something wrong with me. It caused me to be highly anxious in so many situations. I was so afraid of disappointing my parents in all sorts of ways. One of the biggest ones being underperformer at school. I struggled social at school which made me a perfect target for bullying. It felt like a vicious circle. I felt like I was always crying as a child. It didn’t seem to get any better as I got into adulthood. Sometimes it seemed so irrational to me. I would cry just looking at my sleeping children. I would cry at Star Wars movies when Hans Solo died..(who does that?) My reasons for crying were many times justifiable in my mind but other times I would say to myself, “what is wrong with you? there is no reason to be crying this is a happy thing!” You would think all that self talk would knock some sense into me but no not even close.
There were times I did seek therapy as I felt my crying was because I was depressed. Of course, life is not an easy road and I had plenty of challenges as we all do. I can admit that it was very helpful to sort through my feelings but not once were we able to determine why I was so extremely sensitive.
It is a scientific fact that women do cry more often than men, five times more per the research. One plausible explanation has to do with of course, is hormones! Estrogen, being the female culprit is associated with our brain’s emotions. But I know many women who really aren’t criers. I’m not saying they never cry but they appear to only cry in response to pain or grief. So I guess it is not totally a hormonal trigger. I know I’ve been accused as being hormonal when I have cried by many males. I can’t tell you how many times in my life I’ve cried over something and my husband has looked at me like I have ten heads.
Then there are those who seem not to be able to cry at all. There are so many reasons from what I’ve found on this. It could be a medical condition where you want to cry but your body cannot produce the tears. . There are an abundance of reasons that one cannot cry it would require an entirely new blog but for the quick rundown you can find them all here. https://www.insider.com/guides/health/conditions-symptoms/why-cant-i-cry A prevalent one is one I am familiar with, depression. There is also research on severe depression causing patients to “go beyond weeping” and settle into a cry proof state. This sounds so foreign to me as I know with my history when I am depressed my tears are uncontrollable. I guess I have never gotten “severely depressed”…lol thank the lord as I can’t even imagine not crying, I think I would implode!
So it appears through all my preconceived weakness that there is a legitimate reason why I am so “emotional.” And maybe for you too if you are considered a “little too emotional”. We are considered to be what’s called an HSP. And what is an HSP you are thinking to yourself. In our expanding world of acronyms it means Highly Sensitive Person. This term was originally coined in the mid 90’s. Two psychologists Elaine and Arthur Aron published the book “The Highly Sensitive Person” in 1996 and the concept has continued to grow ever since. I wish this research had come out earlier… maybe it would have explained a FEW things. In any event I’m grateful for it NOW… it explains quite a lot of things!
As you can imagine I find this new research to be very comforting… although I have to say it’s not quite new being over 20 years old. I must be living under a rock. But regardless, who wouldn’t want to know why one was perceived to be an emotional basket case? I am exaggerating slightly but sometimes I think my friends think I’m just way too sensitive. Having a reason for it makes me feel slightly ok with it. Highly sensitive people make up roughly 15- 20% of the population. That’s a lot more than I thought. Where are the rest of my fellow HSP’s? I need to start a support group. If you are one please know it is NOT a mental disorder and has no official diagnosis. It’s more of a personality trait that involves increased responsiveness to both positive and negative influences.
Causes of High Sensitivity can be from a variety of factors from evolution, genetics, and early childhood experiences. It is also known to be hereditary. Personally, for me I think all of the above played a part in my sensitivity. I can see some of my own family members as HSPs and my childhood experiences were formed by having extremely young parents. God bless them for keeping me.
We are individuals whose central nervous systems are more sensitive to physical, emotional or social stimuli. Being highly sensitive can be both a blessing and a curse from which I have read. The curses I can attest to. We hate letting other people down, we hate to say no… So all of my friends reading this you have the power…. lol. HSPs feel others disappointment so intently that we struggle with the NO word. Sometimes we can be too easily offended (I have so learned to overcome this one- must be an age thing) We tend to get more stressed about things whereas others let them roll off their backs. HSP’s tend to be their own worse critics. We pick up on other people’s feelings so easily we take on everyone else’s stresses and concerns. There are ways to manage the unique features being a HSP to make it more of a strength and less of a challenge in your life. There is also the support group I so desperately called for. https://highlysensitiverefuge.com/
I never ever saw my sensitivity as a blessing so I was enthralled to read something positive about something I always considered a character flaw. The blessings are having a strong ability to empathize with others which enables deep and strong bonds. They tend to have an incredible appreciation for the smallest of things that most people can’t access. They benefit from finding coping mechanisms for the stresses they often face. HSPs are known to have a rich and complex inner life, complete with deep thoughts and strong feelings. I never really looked at it in this light but in retrospect I do have some of the best bonds with people, one of the things I cherish most in my life.
I can honestly say that I’m so glad this research was done and is continuing. Especially so that our younger generations can understand and not feel inadequate with this character trait. I have come to accept that crying is part of who I am. I feel deeply and I am not ashamed of that. Maybe my crying makes people uncomfortable and I’m sorry for that. But I can’t change who I am. We all need to know ourselves and accept who we are. Minimize the weaknesses the best we can and capitalize on what strengths we have. If you think you may be an HSP you can find out by clicking the link below. If you find out you are embrace it! Crying is known to have many health benefits!
https://hsperson.com/test/highly-sensitive-test/
For all of us HSP’s out there- a proverb we can find comfort in.