My Valentine in the Middle

So, we are about to celebrate another Valentine’s Day. The Day where “LOVE” is to be the focus. Shouldn’t it be the focus every day? Oh well, since it is another Hallmark Holiday I can’t think of a more appropriate day to write about my middle child and the love that I have for her. A birth order that seems to have the reputation of being over looked. Something you could never do to my daughter although I”m sure she begs to differ. I’m sure many middle children feel this way and I’m taking bets that she does or has in the past. It is this blog that I am going to dedicate to my “middle child”.

She was born 17 months to the day after her sister, April 30, 1993. I remember waiting with anticipation to find out if I was having another girl or a little boy. It didn’t matter either way, I was just excited to be adding to our family. I figured I needed to know this time so I could decide whether to keep the girl clothes or embark on buying boy clothes. Funny, these days the trend is to bring children into the world genderless. This new phenomenon a topic I and many boomers struggle with. New definitions cropping up all the time. I cannot keep up and I’m not sure I want to when I hear them. Ok, I am getting off topic. I was so excited to find out that my little girl was going to have a little sister to play and grow up with. My own sister was nine years younger and it was almost like we were in two different families. I had always wished we were closer in age. This was going to be so wonderful for both of them. I really was ecstatic to be having another girl.

I remember the fun I had choosing her name. I always liked names that were unique but not outlandish. I wanted her name to be strong, elegant and different. I remember reading a novel and the character’s name was Kassia. I liked the way it looked and wasn’t quite sure of the pronunciation. I immediately went to the dictionary and looked up it’s origin. Kassia, pronounced Kah-shu, and oddly enough it was from Polish decent. I thought how wonderful! Her grandmother is Polish which of course makes her Polish! The English translation is Katherine. I had always loved the name Katherine and Kassia just made it all the more special due to it’s origin. I also loved the fact that the name meant “PURE”. I was purely overjoyed to be having another girl so in my mind it fit all my requirements, sophisticated, different, and meaningful. I unfortunately was not thinking ahead as she continues to this day to have to correct everyone who tries to pronounce her name, Ka-See-uh. One of the hazards of not having a generic name. My bad, but I do love her name and the various ways it can be pronounced are all as beautiful as she.

She came into the world two weeks early and my life has never been the same. I have journals for each of my children. Over the years I have tried to write special moments, feelings and experiences about each of them as often as I can. I have to say it is a wonderful treasure of mine which I hope they will find meaningful as someday they will possess them. I like rereading the passages. They help bring some of those forgotten moments to the forefront of my mind. Times that have gone by too quickly that I somehow forgot are resurrected from the cobwebs of my mind. Reliving them brings bittersweet tears. I”m so glad I did this, I only wish I had written more frequently.

One of my first entries I describe Kassia as being “spirited”. She wasn’t a middle child at the time but I think she already knew she would have to fight for her place very, very soon. She was a beautiful child with such determination. She took on everything from mastering how to crawl, communicate and explore with such a fervor. She amazed me at how fast she wanted to grow.

She was a cuddly child, finding comfort in her thumb and her numerous blankets. After a full day of taking on as much as she could she would find herself spent. The only thing left to do was to succumb to the inevitable crash. My fondest memories of her crashing are me rocking her to sleep while she cuddled in with her blankets bluey and greeny. I remember thinking as I rocked her how soon the day would come when she would no longer need me. I cherished her bodily warmth and beautiful profile as I watched her drift into a peaceful slumber as her thumb slowly left her lips.

After Kassia’s brother was born four years later she truly then became the “middle’ child. She was not a happy camper as she felt she should also have a little sister. It took her a while to understand this was out of my control and that she could still be a BIG sister even to a boy. I think unfortunately for Kassia the novelty of the boy made it more difficult for her as she did not know how to compete against the opposite sex. I hate to use that word “compete” but she was a competitive child. The two girls could not be any more different and now she not only had to compete for my attention against a girl but now it was a boy, an only boy….

As she grew her spirit became more pronounced. She was always putting on shows, singing, or engaging in imaginative and creative activities. She appeared more extroverted then her quiet, studious older sibling. I thoroughly enjoyed watching her creative and comical personality shine when she put on her shows. Her flair for drama was truly entertaining at such a young age. I as a mother was fascinated how both my girls had totally different personalities. The nature nurture theory was unfolding right in front of my eyes.

Kassia as I said earlier was always eager to learn and do it as fast as she could. I’m not sure if that came from being so close in age to her sister and she just wanted to keep up, but it was always a concern of mine. Would it be better to put a year between them or two? I was always concerned there would be too much competition and put a strain on their relationship. Due to cutoffs and birthdays they were only a grade apart. The sibling rivalry was already evident at home. This was something I was not used to as I hadn’t experienced it for myself. Contrary to my inexperience, my husband said it was quite normal. He having a sister three years older and a brother four years younger. So, I took it for face value that it was normal for children this close in age.

Kassia’s struggles as a middle child also got magnified when her sister was diagnosed with type one diabetes at the age of 10. This had a devastating affect on our family. Life as we knew it was forever changed for all of us. Our focus was now on trying to manage a disease for which we knew nothing about. I not only worried about the child with the disease, but the one that I knew would feel the repercussions of something that would only make her struggle for attention all the more difficult. My heart broke for each of them in a different way.

These following years were difficult for all of us in various ways. I was so concerned about Kassia feeling overlooked I went out and bought her a puppy for her birthday to make her feel special. She loved her dog who she named Luke and embraced him wholeheartedly. It did help for a while as I saw how she took to learning to care for him as I learned to care for her sister. We all managed to adjust after some time, but this disease would always be in the forefront of our lives. Just another attention robber for a middle child wanting to be noticed.

The teenage years became a struggle for Kassia as they were for many young girls her age. We did our best to give her what she needed and even changed schools when she requested she no longer wanted to be in the public system due to wait, wait… bullying.. This, I was very familiar with as I had experienced my share of bullying as a teenager. Knowing that this was truly an obstacle for her as her grades were being affected we felt it was a good decision. She was such a bright student we knew she needed a place where she could thrive without the added social pressure.

This proved to be a successful change for Kassia as academically she did extremely well and socially she seemed happier. She took on cheerleading and found her niche as a flyer. I loved watching her cheer as I relived my cheering days through her. It was something we could both share together. She had to work extremely hard to maintain her spot and her dedication and hard work paid off. Although never completely eliminating”mean” girls from her life Kassia’s inner strength propelled her to excellence in her sport as the Mounties won three state championships while she was on the team.

Kassia’s drive and determination got her a scholarship to Salve Regina College where she decided to study education. The time she spent in college she underwent phenomenal growth. She excelled academically in her field of early childhood and her personal maturity grew leaps and bounds. She became an independent, confident young woman. I watched her with tremendous pride as she made her way into the professional world.

She continues to exhibit her spirit through her dedication to her passion for teaching. I have never seen anyone work so hard for these young students that she spends her days with. She is an incredible kindergarten teacher that puts her heart and soul into every aspect of teaching. Every child that is lucky enough to be in Ms. Balog’s class is off to a great start.. Her kindness and adherence to principles is a life changer for many of these children. And I couldn’t be prouder of the difference she makes for them at the beginning of their journey.

Being a middle child certainly has it’s challenges but studies say that is what makes them so successful. They have to fight for their place and they never give up. I believe that to be so true as I have never witnessed more determination from a child other than Kassia. A mother’s love is no less for a middle child than any other of her children. Every child a mother has possesses his or her own unique qualities, and a mother is the first one to admire them. Mothers look for the strengths in their children and try to minimize their weaknesses. I’m so proud of my middle child and look fondly on all the beautiful moments she provided me with as I watched her grow. I hope I have many more years of watching her spirit shine. Remember, the middle is many times the best, like the creme filling in the middle of an Oreo, my all time favorite. Happy Valentine’s Day Kassia Anna Balog. Love Momma as I will forever remember you calling me. 💕