During the month of June many of us know someone who is either graduating from high school, college or maybe even a trade school. For me, I know individuals graduating from high school and college this year. All of the graduates are remarkable and have promising futures. Graduations are milestones for many of us. Important dates marking significant accomplishments. They are met with relief and ambiguity. I remember it oh so well. Sometimes it seems like just yesterday and other times a million years ago.
High school graduates experience their first major accomplishment in their short lives. No matter what your class rank was, you are about to be embarking on adulthood. Some decide to further their education and are anxious about a new place and new people. Others are just trying to decide what and where to go next. Adulthood is scary… For myself, I had decided to further my education and I was petrified of being away and on my so called “own”. I look back now and I think what a sheltered life I came from. Coming from a small town with a Portuguese father I was far from worldly. This of course was evident by my choice of schools, the University of Rhode Island barely an hour away. But far enough that it was not commutable. Of course to my dad it was like going to the other side of the country… Albeit being far in their eyes I was encouraged to go as I would be the first generation to actually go to college in my family.
For many of my friends we would be the first generation going to college in my town. Most of Tiverton was comprised of blue collar workers and immigrants. My parents were second generation and both were from the very respectable working class. Their families emigrated from the Azores and Italy. A college education to both sides was a major achievement and I for one did not want to let my parents down.
Not all of my friends were going to college. Many stayed in our little town and made lives for themselves. They found honest work and got a head start on life. I think the transition to the real world after high school is probably more challenging. You might still have the comfort of your parents home but now you are forced to decide what you will do for the rest of your life. According to society you are an adult. Should you move out? Can I afford to? What kind of job can I get without a college degree that will afford me to live on my own? So many decisions to make. At least if you have decided to continue your education these major decisions are temporarily postponed.
Some of us can’t wait to take off and spread our wings. College is kind of a great place for this first step when you think of it. Free, but not too free. The perfect environment to test yourself in terms of discipline and responsibility. It is a big transition for most, especially if you are not commuting. Some handle it better than others. But I can guarantee everyone goes through some degree of angst. Most of us get through it with minimal damage and look back wishing we could go back. In retrospect it becomes the best times of our life. Those responsibilities compared to what we deal with after our exit seem so trivial. Some of us are still not ready for the real world and decide to stay in the safe haven and make learning their profession for as long as they can financially afford to. It’s what I like to call “the professional student”.
If you are graduating from college you are now faced with what those high school students who had a jumpstart on the “real world” faced. The angst starts all over again, more so if you haven’t secured a job right out of college. This was my dilemma when I graduated. I didn’t have a job and going home didn’t really work out. I took any job just to be able to find a place of my own. This time in my life was quite lonely. Most of my college friends had professional jobs and had either moved back to their hometowns or were too far from me to visit. My relationship with my family was strained and I felt so alone in the world. I’m not quite sure how I got through it but I did somehow. And we didn’t have cell phones or social media.
There were so many days I wished I was back at URI. School turned out to be a place I became quite comfortable with. My growth there was massive but not without lots of trials. But I had a great support system. Early on my freshman and sophomores years I had two older hall mates that always took care of me. They were like older brothers looking after their little sister. I relied on them for so many things. They seemed so worldly too me, especially since they were both out of state.
My next support group came in the form of my sorority which I joined in my second semester sophomore year. This process was also quite painstaking. So many houses to choose from and the entire process seemed like a popularity contest. I “rushed” (as the process is called) with my room mate. She was my security blanket back then. That in itself caused angst; what if they wanted her but not me? Thankfully it all worked out and we both became Sigma Kappas. The Greek life as they called it was quite lively. From surviving hell week as a pledge to becoming a fell fledged sister, I wouldn’t trade that experience for anything, it taught me so much. I know many must be thinking who, would want to live with that many females? And I cannot deny it… it was tough at times. But through our own small self governance I learned so much. The sisterhood bond was taken quite seriously. I felt like I had found a new family away from my own.
No matter which milestone you are achieving always look back at the growth that was attained. Remember, it doesn’t always feel like the path you chose at that time was the right one. But some how some way you get through it. The challenges we go through just keep providing us with new ways of self discovery and growth. Cherish your accomplishments and know that life is full of successes and sometimes failures. It’s what we learn from them that builds our character and provides resources for our future endeavors.
Carpe Diem graduates of 2023!
Natalie
When I was a little girl, I always thought of “New Year’s” as just some holiday after Christmas and that the year actually began at the end of August when I was starting a NEW school year. From childhood to young adulthood (and for some through adulthood) our lives seem to be centered around our schooling and education. As May concludes and June begins so many young people wrap up their final years of “mandatory” education and are choosing to continue their education by going off to college.
In my freshman year of college I felt very isolated. I hadn’t struggled to make friends but I didn’t feel like I had any relationships comparable to my high school friends from home. I had women on my floor whom I would go to the dining hall for dinner with, I had a few friends and friends of friends to go out with. I had started dating my first ever boyfriend. Still, there was no one I felt close to or could see myself developing close relationships with, especially in terms of strong female relationships. I feel very grateful to have found such wonderful friends earlier in high school but I couldn’t help but feel lonely when seeing so many others who seemed to have just found their people so fast. I would have an especially difficult time going home for breaks and seeing my friends knowing I was going back to school not having similar connections.
Those feelings changed when I began to be more involved my sophomore year. In Gamma Phi and Praxis, a student organization focused on advocacy I began to find my people. I found that in joining both organizations I was able to sift through the 20,000 students on campus and surround myself with people looking for the same things as I was. Whether that be in philanthropy through sorority sisterhood or hoping to make campus and state level change through Praxis it provided the special connections I longed for. It’s wild how quickly you go from “I’m gonna walk with you to chapter or a meeting” to “these are some of my best friends.” For those of us lucky enough to have childhood or high school friends, college is the first time in a while you have to put yourself out there and remember how to actually MAKE and maintain new relationships.
I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel at least a little gypped out of the college experience as advertised. I’m sure anyone else who attended college during the COVID pandemic felt the same. For half of my sophomore year and my entire junior year I was not away at UConn living with my friends experiencing all the typical trials, tribulations, and celebrations you anticipate with college. Instead, I was at my parent’s house in Pennsylvania taking classes, club meetings, and everything else in a virtual setting. To be honest, there were parts of the online experience I did enjoy. I liked the freedom asynchronous classes gave me in my day to day schedule. I was happy to be able to work both my “school job” virtually and my “home job” that was usually reserved for breaks and summer vacation. While I was able to look on the bright side there’s no denying over zoom, academic and social aspects became more of a chore than anything.
42.1% of American 18- to 24-year-olds are enrolled in college or graduate school. (https://educationdata.org/college-enrollment-statistics). In my life it seems like the path to college has become the “norm”. I remember in middle school our homerooms being named as different universities instead of the traditional room number. I’ve seen this trend in elementary schools as well. It appears we are talking about college earlier and earlier. It’s hard to weigh the costs and benefits of that trend. On one hand, how many more opportunities does college and a degree allot young people? Seems like an obvious plus. However, is everyone ready to go to college at 17/18 (financially, emotionally, etc.)? Are we neglecting trades and other options? These are questions I think most individuals ask themselves and their families, and now we are beginning to ask on a national scale.
Now one year post grad, I can reflect on my own experiences and begin to answer some of those questions (at least for myself). I don’t think you can place a value on the lessons you learn from 18 to 22. There were so many things I thought I understood or was sure of five years ago, both about the world and myself. My time in college tested much of that. College was a lot of firsts for me. The first time I had to deal with my anxiety without my mom. The first time time having a roommate. During my senior year, the first time maintaining a “home” (my apartment). I learned the importance of phone calls to friends and family when you go weeks or months without seeing them and to cherish your time more when you do see them. Most importantly, I learned to be comfortable and enjoy my time with myself whether it be studying, going to the gym, or even having a meal alone. So while the goal of college is of course to graduate with a degree demonstrating knowledge in your field, I have found the most value was in what I learned about myself. To everyone graduating, I assure you, you know less than you think you do and that’s nothing to be afraid of.
Ladies, you did it again! A wonderful and enlightening read!❤️