Love em or Hate em Family is Family

DEBORAH

If I asked you to describe your family what would you say? Would you first start with a description of who they are? Or would you jump right to their behaviors? Mine are absolutely ALL crazy… well you know they say the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree…. As we all know families come in all shapes and sizes. They can be large or small, biologically related or not. They can be all human or have a few animals… ( not to say us humans are not animals at times… lol )Regardless of the characteristics, family is the most important part of our lives, it is our lifeblood.

Historically, families were larger due to the need for worker bees. They were also larger because multiple generations lived together under one roof. That practice seemed to go away when we became more industrialized, families got smaller and lived separately. I remember growing up and the term “nuclear” family was born to describe the family unit of parents and children. The tradition of extended families living together slowly phased out. Different cultures do still honor this lifestyle but it is by far the minority.

Before my “nuclear family” my family consisted of my mom, dad, and sister. Of course the extended family of grandparents, cousins, aunts & uncles etc were part of that family concept . It was a weird feeling when I transitioned to creating my own family. Changing from being an attendee at holidays to a hostess was met with both sadness and joy. Bittersweet is what I would call it. And I’m sure I will feel this way again in the very near future when it changes once more.

Of course all families have their ups and downs. As much as you love them all, they can also drive you absolutely crazy. But I think that is what family members are suppose to do? Do you? It would be pretty abnormal if it was hunky dory all of the time. Family is supposed to be your safe haven but many times you feel like running from them (lol). There are times when I find it difficult to understand how family members can turn against one another. We don’t have to agree all the time but we should have each other’s backs, no?

Maybe I’m just too much of an idealist and should be more of a realist. As humans we all fail each other at times. No one knows that better than me. It reminds me why this time of year is so special, Christmas and the Holy Family. A family to emulate and a savior to redeem us. Even if you don’t believe in Christmas you cannot deny the importance of a family. I feel such sadness for individuals who have no family or are estranged from them.

I treasure our family holiday traditions, new and old. My family is growing and I couldn’t be any happier. My past, my present, and my future family members give my life meaning. I cannot bear to think of what my existence would be like without all of them. So I’m not even going to go there. I’m going to live in the present moment and embrace the holiday with my imperfect family.

Christmas day will be filled with loudness, chaos, and many messes to clean up. But I wouldn’t have it any other way. And this year will be extra special with our little Alice having some comprehension of Santa. I thank the lord for these many blessings as I focus on the true meaning of Christmas, his birth. He is the original creator of this large family we call humanity. If we would all treat each other as family members as we are ALL brothers and sisters, maybe there would be less despair in this world. But there I go again being an idealist…

May you all have a wonderful holiday with your families regardless of how you celebrate. Take no offense to my Merry Christmas I just love the concept that we are all family.

“The best way to see Christmas is through the eyes of a child.”

NATALIE

It is December now which means the holiday season is fully upon us. A time of year that emphasizes so many things. On the positive end of the spectrum: celebrations, good food, gratitude, general sense of warmth and cheer. On the negative: trying to find gifts, preparations, and of course the overall expectation that it should be “the most wonderful time of the year!” For most of us the holidays also entail spending (more) time with family.

Holiday traditions have always been a favorite part of my family experience. Since I was little, I always felt my parents went above and beyond to make Christmas time special. One year my dad put our Christmas Pajamas on the roof to make it appear as if Santa were flying over. Even more meaningful to me, they have done their best to not lighten up or let go of traditions as we have gotten older.

While my parents of course get the majority of the praise, deservingly so, my Christmas traditions have also encapsulated the saying “it takes a village”. I have been blessed to have a very large extended family on both sides; my dad is one of five and my mom one of eight, making for lots of aunts, uncles, and cousins to share these traditions with.

An early season favorite is December 6th, St. Nicholas’ patron saint day. The tradition goes, you leave your boots out and St. Nick fills them with treats usually consisting of traditional candies, fruits, and nuts. For those who may be leaning toward the naughty list they get sticks or hay instead, a precursor to coal if they don’t start changing their behavior before Christmas. Since I haven’t lived at home the last few years, my dad has always coordinated with my uncle (and UConn mail delivery) to have my shoes filled on St. Nick’s day wherever I may be.

There are also those who are not our family by blood, or even marriage, but are still very much family. One of my dad’s friends posing as Santa has called my sisters and me on Christmas Eve every year of my life without fail. I still look forward to the jolly voicemail, maybe even more so now than I did when I was little. My mom always spouts to me how important it is to have those types of people around you because I’ll want someone to do those things for my own children.

It’s an odd feeling being twenty four. I am no longer a child but of course I am still young and and will always be my parent’s child. I don’t have children of my own yet so I’m still just collecting, learning, and building on all the best parts of my childhood that I hope to carry on. It feels like my family is slowly transitioning as well. My cousins, sisters, and I are now becoming the ones to organize and take lead on family events like camping trips, game nights and parties. The passing of the torch it is, similar to when our parents took over holidays and hosting duties from our grandparents. A beautiful cycle of earned rest.

The holidays also bring on a time of missing those family members who passed. The first Thanksgiving and Christmas always seem to be the hardest. It’s been five years since my grandparents passed and I can now enjoy the holidays more for the memories we got to spend together rather than with sadness that they are no longer here.

Besides loss, there are plenty of other familial stressors than can be happening. I am no stranger to holidays falling in the midst of family fights or tensions. Usually, everyone can at least play civil through the holiday itself. As I previously mentioned, the “expectation that it should be the most wonderful time of the year” can make everything feel heightened around this season. I hope anyone experiencing loneliness this holiday season, whether it be from a loss or otherwise, can still find some enjoyment this holiday season with whatever your version of family tradition may look like.

“Our most basic instinct is not for survival but for family” – Paul Pearsall. Family is an ever changing constant. New additions, transforming relationships, loss of loved ones, but for most of us when friends or partners change our family does not. I hope you all indulge in the mayhem, love, and importance of family not only on Christmas but everyday.