INTRODUCTION
Happy November! We hope you are all enjoying the month and preparing for the holiday season. Unfortunately, the holidays can be a difficult time for many people with increased levels of depression and anxiety. With all the recent tragedy of the world it can feel like there is not much to celebrate right now. Instead of turning a blind eye to those feelings this month we chose to reflect on our own experiences with anxiety and embrace the beauty in the process of healing and self growth. We hope this piece touches and resonates with you.
DEB
Anxiety… a word you hear so so often these days. It’s like almost everyone you know is anxious about something. As a child I was labeled a “nervous” child. I constantly had a tummy ache and was always fearful. Of what? Mostly everything. Nowadays it is a disorder with multiple layers of identification. ie social anxiety (SAD), general anxiety (GAD) and various phobias to be sure any sign of discomfort is properly diagnosed. Anxiety and Depression many times go hand in hand but they can be exclusive of each other.
Now I don’t want you to think I am minimizing “anxiety”. I certainly am not. Especially since I have dealt with it not only as a young child but throughout most of my life. It certainly is real. But is it not something everyone experiences during life? Some, more than others obviously. Statistically speaking 27% of American adults have anxiety problems. Worldwide anxiety “disorders” affect 3.94% of the population. 41.7% are young adults between the ages of 18-29. Females more than men are more likely to be affected and multi racial ethnicity has the highest levels of reported anxiety.https://cfah.org/anxiety-statistics/
Of course the debate of what causes anxiety is ongoing… Research points to chemical imbalances in the brain, environmental factors such as trauma or socioeconomic conditions and last but not least hereditary. It seems to run in many families which would then indicate a possible gene. Regardless of what causes it, anxiety stems from “fear”. Everyone is fearful at some point in their lives so everyone should be able to relate to anxiety regardless of whether you are diagnosed as having a “disorder”. Life is hard and provides many anxiety ridden scenarios.
These days, fear seems to be the center of our world. Thank you COVID, CDC, WHO, NIH, the governments of the world and last but not least, the media. FEAR- A very unpleasant or disturbing feeling caused by the presence or imminence of danger. The world we currently live in unfortunately exacerbates our fears. No wonder why anxiety is at an all time high for most Americans. Now let me be clear, fear is useful for us as humans… that’s how we have managed to evolve. Remember the fight or flight response? But should it control our lives? Who wants to live in constant fear? Certainly not me!
The real question should be, when we are experiencing this “fear” is – “is it rational?” If we truly dig deep, I bet most times we would come up with is…no it really is not. Most of us go to places in our heads that support our fears. If only we took the time to play devil’s advocate. Make an attempt to banish our preconceived notions and examine our sources. We might just be able to counsel ourselves and minimize the threat.
After struggling for a long period of my adult life I embarked exactly on that method. I had been driving home and heard an infomercial for “attacking anxiety and depression” on the radio. I had been on medication and truly wanted to be med free. And let me be clear again.. I’m not anti medication when absolutely needed. It does benefit many and some individuals physically need meds. I personally went on meds because my anxiety was causing stomach problems. That was according to my gastroenterologist who managed to convince me to try the medication. But after many years on the meds I just felt there had to be a better way. My symptoms were improved but I was not totally anxiety free. I decided the odds were that it could only help so I decided to go for it..
I sent away for the self paced program which consisted of 10 DVD’s along with a work book. Just so you know, I also had gone to numerous therapists. Many did help but I couldn’t have my own 24 hour therapist every time I needed one. I just needed the right tools. Nothing in my opinion could be better than doing it on my own since anxiety did not make an appointment. Twenty years later, this program still provides value. I came off my meds and utilized what I learned. I’m not totally anxiety free but honestly who is? I do know I cope much better and feel much happier on a daily basis. Of course some days better than others which is perfectly ok.
Just recently I came across another program similar in nature to the one I had utilized 20 years ago. It is called “Unsinkable ONline Life School” by Sonia Ricotti. I decided to watch Sonia’s film “Unsinkable” which then promotes her program. I was interested to brush up or enhance what I had learned. Especially at this time, where our world is filled with so much FEAR mongering this might build on what I already knew.
I’m not plugging anyone’s program. I’m just expressing that now more than ever WE need to help ourselves and each other. The more tools we have the more successful we will be at enjoying our lives and putting our fears in the proper place. You cannot truly enjoy life in a constant state of fear. Fear paralyzes you, stifles you and holds you back from everything good in your life.
Thanksgiving is a few weeks away. A time where we celebrate what we are thankful for. This surprisingly is helpful in anxiety management. One way to overcome anxiety per Sonia’s program is to focus on the now. Find things you are grateful for. This is explored in more depth in Sonia’s film. But to touch the surface.. being thankful and grateful takes our minds away from our fearful thoughts and puts our focus back into positivity. With practice and consistency we can have a healing affect on our minds and bodies.
I love Thanksgiving. It is probably my favorite holiday. Oh Gosh…I hope I’m ready in time😧! I have so much to be grateful for and I love sharing it with those who make my life complete. My anxiety these days is a million times better than it was when I was younger. I hope I can help others gain perspective on the overwhelming feelings of anxiety through my story. I have tried everything… literally… and what has helped me most was making myself do the work. If I can do it ANYONE can.
Happy Thanksgiving! I am grateful for all of you! Thanks for helping me feel less anxious!!
NATALIE
I can’t remember the first time I felt what I now know to be anxiety. My parents and pediatrician described that I seemed to have a very trying temperament. As a baby, I would turn bright red, often crying to the point of being totally inconsolable. I evidently did not like Preschool at all. My mom tells me I wasn’t very playful or interactive, just a seemingly “serious” baby. My mother swears I didn’t like being around the kids, always clinging to my teachers. I only liked my bubble: my parents, my grandparents, and…no that was about it, that was my bubble.
When I finally did start talking, it seemed to all make sense. Apparently, I had just been taking it all in, observing and learning. Once I started kindergarten, I was thriving, at least as far as I can remember. I liked being in school and learning so much I remember asking my mom if I could do my older sister’s homework. I can remember my first friends, even my first crushes. Oddly enough I still had a preference to be around adults. As early as I can remember, someone was always telling me “you’re just an old soul”.
I fondly remember enjoying learning in school and participating in dance and soccer. But I also remember beginning to feel anxiety in all of them. Once, I panicked in a dance recital. I would get worked up and disappointed in myself when I didn’t complete my work as fast as other students or if a friend was absent. Throughout elementary and continuing through middle school I felt most of my anxiety was school related. If my grades were good, what do my teachers think of me? etc.
When I was in high school, I began to experience a more depressive side to my anxiety. I had always had the sort of “nervousness” and “worry” we usually attribute with anxiety. As I got older my feelings became more complex. There were panic attacks and I began to develop a deep anger and sadness toward myself for feeling that way. I constantly felt there was something wrong with me, something broken, something inherently irreconcilable about my existence ….. The mood of this post will swing … at some point I promise.
There is an infinite amount of contradicting literature and opinions on the source of anxiety and how to deal with it. I saw a therapist for several years and periodically circle back to seeing her. She was a great fit and I felt lucky finding her on my first visit. However that is not the norm. Sometimes it takes trying a few before finding the right one. Like most things, finding someone that connects with you is key to progress.
Before I began therapy I remember thinking “they’re paid to act like they care about you.” Or “therapy is only for really traumatically damaged people”. I quickly 180’d to the opinion that everyone should see a therapist at least once in their life. Therapy never prevented me from going through difficult times or experiencing anxiety but it gave me an outlet to work through it. There has been so many times that simply speaking about a problem out loud allowed me to gain perspective. and understanding. Many times, even without any input from my therapist. You have to be willing to let it work by being honest with your therapist and more importantly yourself.
I’ve tried several different anxiety medications and ultimately decided they are not helpful to me. I didn’t like knowing I was turning to a substance when I was having negative feelings. I would never condemn any other adult’s use of anti anxiety or anti depressants I just know for me that the use of them did not put me in a good place. It was too much of a temporary crutch and too much of a slippery slope into misuse for me.
I would take a pill and expect it to fix my problems. Of course it never did so I would take another and maybe another. Freshman year of college was the worst, when I was feeling most alone. Typical for many incoming Freshman. They began to scare me the more I used them. I’m glad I was self-aware enough to know that a habit like that could really damage me. My feelings about alcohol are the same. I don’t drink when I’m feeling anxious or seriously sad. Having a family history of alcoholism, I know for myself whether it be alcohol, antidepressants, or anti-anxiety medication, these are not the right treatments while I am struggling.
So … therapy … check, meds … check. Where have I arrived in regards to managing ( or at least trying to) my anxiety and mental health? Still it’s very much a trying process. I can’t remember the first time I heard about the Law of Attraction but I was recently reminded of it from Sonia Ricotti’s film, Unsinkable. The law of attraction is the belief that “like attracts like” therefore, the thoughts you put out reflect back on you and become your reality. Hence, if you are always negative, thinking the worst, putting out bad energy, you are manifesting negativity in your relationships, career, and life overall. If this is your first time hearing about it, there are many books and pieces on the law of attraction. This article from Forbes provides a base for the philosophy and its benefits.
Law of Attraction is not just manifestation in the crystal, sage burning, “write down his name 100 times” way but grounding yourself in cognitive behavioral practices. Those are the first two steps Ricotti describes in reprogramming your conscious and subconscious mind. The film focuses on how we are really in control of our lives based on the way we think and choose to respond. As someone who has always allowed their anxiety to convince myself that I have to brace and prepare for the worst case this is a difficult. When you believe the worst about yourself it is takes a lot of practice to turn it around.. I often realize how much I hold myself back or how worked up I get over things that have not and may never happen.
As I touched on earlier, I used to be so angry at myself for being anxious. I felt like I didn’t have a right to be, like nothing THAT bad had ever happened to make me feel so low. In the film, Ricotti and several others describe that the opposite of anxiety is actually gratitude. I’d like to think in some twisted way maybe my young adolescent mind knew this and didn’t know how to correctly harness it into gratitude. Consciously expressing gratitude allows us anxious beings to retract from the fast paced “what ifs” and worries and give reverence to the present.
Ricotti states “Accept what is, let go of what was, have faith in what will be”. I can’t help but be reminded of the Serenity Prayer. “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.” I think about how the world has changed it’s treatment of mental health. I feely sorry for generations before us that had to deal with the stigma and shame around mental health. Often, I can’t help but think about my grandmother (Miss Rena, if you want to read more about her visit here) and how for all her struggles had such strength and faith that carried her through.
“Courage to change the things I can, wisdom to know the difference.” It may be the “Serenity” prayer but the latter two lines have been resonating with me more lately. Knowing the difference is easier said than done. I can confidently say anything in the past, you have to leave up for serenity and acceptance. Again, easier said than done. Courage to change the things that I can. I am continuing to learn how to live with my anxiety. How to accept that it’s something I struggle with to a different degree than some people.
I don’t need to feel inferior and weak because of it. How to simultaneously not just submit to it as something I have no control over and inevitably is. Understanding what makes it worse, when it’s helped me, and why it’s there. Someone very dear to me would often say “There’s no utility in believing the world just happens to you.” It has been a short lifetime of peaks and valleys learning about myself. Far from “solved ” but moving away from the mentality that I need to be “fixed” is part of continued growth.
Thanksgiving is quickly approaching. A single day meant to be express gratitude. Ironic how it also seems to be the most overlooked holiday, funny isn’t it? If gratitude truly is the antithesis to anxiety it is best to be practiced everyday. I am grateful for so many things in my life. Shockingly, in some ways, I am grateful for my experiences with anxiety. It has allotted me an empathy to others and catalyzed a deep understanding of myself from a young age. I hope you all use our piece today as a reminder that sometimes it is best to just slow down and be grateful for what is. Thank you for allowing me to continue to share. Happy Thanksgiving!
Wonderful piece ladies! I am quite sure that has helped many who deal with anxiety. It seems many of us deal with this problem frequently.