Natalie
It is now April and the annual excitement of March Madness has ceased. It might be my favorite sporting event of the year. I am a little biased considering my alma mater has won back to back in ‘23 and ‘24. Maybe my opinion of the event will shift if their tournament trajectory ever changes but for now, it’ll stand as my favorite. Well, until the Olympics roll around this summer.
I would say the majority of us have had some connection to at least one sport throughout our lives. I am no fanatic but I was once an athlete; I’d like to think I am still “athletic”. I have my favorite professional teams and enjoyed going to a college with a historic athletic program (they could have been better while I was there though). I coached toddler and level 1 gymnastics for a few years. Of course there are lunatic fans and critics on how important our culture seems to view sports but in general, I think most people see the benefit of having some participation or connection to sports. Your hope in getting a child involved early is they learn confidence, the value of self discipline, how to work on a team, and how to stay fit. Things most of us strive to carry on throughout our lives.
I’d like to focus the rest of this piece on one specific sport. Probably the most highly debated one regarding whether it should even be granted the title of a “sport”. One, my coauthor and I have in common…Cheerleading.
When I was in Catholic school I had mostly done sports through CYO. Unfortunately, they did not have a cheerleading squad so my Mom looked other places for teams. I first cheered for a team at a local recreational youth center. Early on I was very, very shy, especially since most of the other girls had known each other (and all of the cheers) for a few years. I only cheered there for a season or two, preferring to play soccer for their teams like my older sister had.
I’m not sure what initially attracted me to cheerleading considering I was so shy. Honestly, I probably just liked the idea of it. Per last month’s piece, I’ve always been a self defined “girly girl”. I think to my 8 year old self, that was probably just part of being a girly girl. I had done a few years of dance when I was little but chose not to continue. Cheerleading must have just been the next logical step in “glamour sports”. The more experience I gained, the more I came to genuinely enjoy cheer.
I started public school in sixth grade and tried out for cheerleading in seventh (you were only eligible to play sports in 7th and 8th so I hadn’t missed out). Once again, I was met with girls who had cheered for several years longer than me. This set of girls possessed in depth tumbling and stunting experience from competition squads, something that I very much lacked.
But I was a strong cheerleader in the most core sense. I picked up on choreography quickly, had sharp motions, and great jumps. For as shy and quiet as I was I could project my voice to actually cheer quite well. Every coach I ever had but one, loved me. The only one who didn’t was an outsourced competition coach who just clearly held it against me that I had such a shitty back handspring; even he eventually came around and gave me some acknowledgement.
In cheerleading, or any sport for that matter authority figures were to be respected. Something my parents forcefully instilled in me at an early age. Just as my parents were not my friends, neither were my teachers or my coaches. I think that understanding often warranted my positive relationships with my coaches. And now being almost seven years out of high school, I can still enjoy the positive and more open relationships with a few of my coaches that I still talk to every now and then. Like my parents, because I respected them for their roles, we have a better chance at being friends now.
The greatest thing cheerleading ever gave me was my best friend, McKenna. We had both made our middle school squad in seventh grade and had always been friendly. But in 8th grade we were named captains together and that’s when she became my best friend. We were pretty much on opposite ends of the cheer experience spectrum. She had done All Stars, her mom coached competition squads, and her sisters had both cheered Varsity at the High School we would be attending and then in college. I was only in my fourth season of cheer and any sort of athletic legacy in my family was at the Catholic High School centered around football and volleyball.
Our friendship started with setting up times to make up half time and pep rally routines . Of course the more time we spent together the more those days turned into talking about boys, watching Gossip Girl, and so many other things. Our focus should have definitely been perfecting our squad. McKenna and I continued to cheer together throughout high school. So much of our time together was in cheer and even more traumatizing, track practices. She remains one of the most beautiful people inside and out I have ever met as we now are on the cusp of 25, so far away from our 13 year old selves. I would take every fallen stunt, busted hand spring, or times we were screamed at by a coach 100x over to still have that wonderful woman be my best friend.
Cheerleading built my confidence and knocked it down so many times. A feeling I’m sure anyone who has ever been an athlete can relate to. Like I said before, I felt strong in so many aspects of how I performed versus others, specifically tumbling. It left me feeling terrible and anxious constantly. I think the added emphasis on a sport like cheerleading though is the expectation and the stereotypes that come with it..
Every year before tryouts my assistant athletic Director would have a conversation about how cheerleading was something you do, not something you are. On one hand I think she was weeding out the girls she thought were there because they liked the “idea” of being a cheerleader. The other part of the talk was definitely knowing the perceptions of cheerleading from other people, the unspoken assumptions of your physical presentation, all that deeper stuff. It’s a talk that always felt exclusively female, necessary for a bunch of young impressionable girls. I really doubt any football or basketball players were getting that.
I’m not trying to have any male cheerleader erasure in this piece but it is “Feminine Findings”, and historically most cheerleaders have been female. In some ways, cheerleading almost seems analogical to the traditional role for most women. To support and encourage “cheer on” their partner and kids never quite getting credit for their own role. The same way cheerleaders cheer for football, basketball, etc. and have long fought for the right to call cheerleading a sport of its own. Similarly, to our post feminist world. Even cheerleading moves forward more and more to stand on its own with the increase in competition and All Star squads. Still we won’t see cheerleading in the 2024 or even 2028 Olympics.
There might’ve been nothing worse than cheering for a losing team. I remember many games where our team lagged behind in a seemingly impossible deficit. Despite everyone else being miserable (fans, players, coaches), cheerleaders of course still needed to smile and chant. It felt so inauthentic.
The same way it has felt inauthentic to carry myself with confidence and pride when I just simply didn’t feel it. Even if you have never picked up a pair or pom poms, I’m sure every woman (or person) reading this has had to learn to be your own cheerleader. How to remain encouraged and positive in the face of defeat. But I’ve found the simple cliche of “Fake it, till you make it” can carry me at least some of the way, both cheerleading and my own life.
Deborah
Ah… the sweet memory of cheerleading.. It’s quite a trip down memory lane. Cheerleading in my day was NOT even close to a sport… You had to compete to get on a squad but that was the extent of the competition. We did not compete against other teams like they do now. I would say cheerleading has certainly evolved. We basically were an extension of the male sports teams, kind of like the mascot.. lol/ We existed to support our teams (football, basketball, and soccer) and motivate their fans.
I got involved in cheerleading with the Catholic Youth Organization aka CYO, they did have a team unlike Natalie’s group. But on my side of town there was no CYO associated with our parish. My grandmother lived on the cool side of town where most of my friends lived which prompted me to join their CYO. This organization had a youth basketball team and a cheerleading team. You were automatically accepted. No trying out was required. Well, that was my introduction to cheerleading as my friends were participating. I got to hang out with them and be around the cute boys who were playing basketball. This was definitely a win win. Cool side of town, cool friends, and cute boys.. The seventh grade was going to be a game changer.
Fast forward to eight grade.. lol All my friends were talking about trying out for the Freshman cheerleading squad for the following year. I thought to myself, I had a year of cheerleading under my belt with CYO, how hard could this be? Back then it was not as multi dimensional as it is now. There was minimal tumbling and no dancing. If you could split, straddle, & jump you pretty much had it in the bag. Of course you had to be peppy and loud. I know I could be loud as we all know… lol
Well my love for cheerleading gave me a great big slap in the face. I was about to learn the agony of defeat. That feeling you get when you are waiting for your name to be called and it isn’t is probably the most painstaking feeling for a young teen. I could not believe it. All my friends made the team and I did not. I didn’t even make alternate. I felt like I was in a very bad dream.
I could not comprehend it. What made it worse was my friends could not believe it either. (I guess they were just being nice) But even some of the judges (teachers) told me I did really well. And some of the girls that did make it??? Well… seemed really odd. Well I was learning my first lesson in humility. I had to learn to deal with this disappointment. I had to stop trying to place the blame elsewhere. In my twisted head I even blamed it on a teacher (judge) who I felt didn’t like me. I was so in denial that I could possibly have been “not good”.
I remember it like it was yesterday and boy was that a real long time ago. It’s funny the things you remember. The flashback of me walking through the front door bawling my eyes out. My mother asking me what was wrong and me trying to get the words out that I didn’t make the team.. I was a failure and a loser. Of course she felt bad and tried to comfort me. Unfortunately, I had to live with the disappointment of not getting to wear that maroon and white uniform and being with my friends. It was going to be a long, long Freshman year of high school. Devastated pretty much summed up my state of mind.
Well, somehow, someway I got through it and decided to give it another go. I am not sure if it was my friends convincing me or my desire to prove to myself I could do it. I certainly did not want to relive last year so what was I thinking? As crazy at it seems I put myself out there again to try out for the Junior Varsity team. I was so impressed by the Varsity team it was my dream to make it all the way there and be able to earn a letter jacket. It was what I wanted. They were all so popular and the boys loved cheerleaders..
I cannot deny how anxious I was putting myself through the torture of it all again. I risked reliving that same devastation twice. To me that was something I could not bear again. I practiced and practiced until I was practically cheered out. I sought constant help and feedback from my friends that had made Freshman but did have to try out again for JV. I was determined this time I was not going to fail. And I did not. I remember the relief I felt when my name was called along with all of my friends. Whew…The” “thrill of victory” feels so much better than the “agony of defeat”..
I could now wear that maroon skirt for most of the year. I got to wear it in school when we had games scheduled. I was on cloud nine. I finally got the confidence boost that I so needed. I had endured quite a bit of bullying but this somehow made me feel better. JV had two co captains and I was voted one of them. That also helped repair my damaged psyche. Well, tenth grade was going to be a much better year!!
My Sophomore year I cheered JV and I went on to make Varsity for my Junior year! So I relished my cheerleading role for two years. I loved travelling on the bus going to other schools in RI for basketball, football and soccer. I loved cheering at our school pep rallies and the feeling of just being a “cheerleader”. That doesn’t mean I didn’t deal with bullying anymore. Cheerleaders were not only envied but also made fun of. They also somehow got the reputation of being “easy”. Not sure who gave us this reputation, but thank you for a not so nice stereotype! But overall, I was not alone and it felt good to be part of a group sharing in the excitement of competition even if we ourselves were not competing. But our boys were and we were there every step of the way, cheering them or consoling them. We had a job and we did it!
After experiencing two great years as a cheerleader, I decided not to try out in my junior year for Varsity as a Senior. I had my letter jacket and my friend group was starting to diversify. I was branching out and I gave up cheerleading to experience the drama club in my last year. Although I said good bye to cheering I never stopped. I learned you don’t have to wear the skirt to cheer in life and with a mouth like mine, you could always hear me at any game or pep rally.
I got to live the cheer life again through my second daughter Kassia. She got the itch around the same time as I did. She cheered her entire four years at Mount Saint Charles Academy. By this time, cheerleading had now entered the arena of competition. This added a whole new dimension. You had choreography and major tumbling along with execution and projection, all which were part of the judging.
Every practice was basically concentrating on getting ready for competitions, both state and hopefully nationals. The main priority was no longer the support of our teams. They now had their own purpose. I reveled in how far the “cheerleading” experience had evolved. Competition was fierce. It was now co ed which made stunting and tumbling exciting as well as dangerous. I’m not sure how one could argue it wasn’t a sport after seeing the athleticism these cheerleaders possessed.
It IS TRULY AMAZING TO WATCH if you haven’t seem a team perform. I loved going to these competitions .I don’t think I missed one. I got to continue my cheering from the stands as you can hear me loud and clear during the following Mount competition. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VzRslpJ0Z7o (I have to say I am SOOO LOUD-annoyingly so) They worked so hard and I was so proud to be a mom of a Mountie Cheerleader. Cheering was just as intense as any other sport and it so deserved to be categorized as one.
The talent needed to be a good cheerleader these days was far more than I ever dreamed of. I would never have made it as a cheerleader in today’s world. Thank god I was born in the dark ages and was able to live my dream and not live with constant devastation. lol
So, as Natalie expresses cheerleading in itself, whether on a team or not, is something that we can ALL get behind. As a mom WE are ALL cheerleaders. It’s one of the many roles that comes with the territory of being a mom. And it is an extremely important one. We cheer our children on in ALL activities, not just sports. Some of us have children who aren’t so athletic and decide to pursue other interests. And that is quite ok. Everyone needs to find their niche. We all have different talents and we as moms support and nurture all of their passions and endeavors. We are and always will be their ultimate cheerleaders. Words of confidence and encouragement can never be underrated.
And BTW Natalie, you will be happy to know that as of July 28, 2021 the IOC officially recognized cheerleading as a sport, opening up a pathway for its Olympic debut so just maybe it will be sooner than you think!!
