Did anyone ever say to you “you are just like your mom”? I can’t tell you how many times I have heard that over my lifetime. Sometimes I was like… You really think so? For years all I ever wanted to be was “just like my mom”. As children, our moms are our entire world. The bond is indisputable. Actually, the bond is so deep it goes back to our grandmothers as they carried our eggs while they were pregnant with us. https://www.tcoyf.com/fun-little-fact-mention-next-time-grandmas-dinner/.
I wonder if that might be the reasoning most female children are closer to the maternal grandmother than the paternal? Maybe that is a generalization but it seems to be that way from my observation. Even now I remember how much I longed for my mother when I was a child. I thought she was the prettiest mom in the world. And I always longed for her acceptance and approval at the earliest of ages. It’s funny how that changes as we discover the benefits of therapy. Not that I don’t want to please my mom but understanding that we are all human and have shortcomings definitely helps with our feelings of inadequacy.
I wonder if my mom thinks she is just like her mom? When I think of my grandmother and compare the two I can now see similarities but my younger self did not. I was very close to my mom’s mom. She took care of me quite often. Remember, my mom was a very young mother. I would say she was very unprepared. Of course, as we age we change and learn through our experiences. My grandmother to me as a child was a safe haven. I saw her as extremely patient, kind and loving. Her love was unconditional. I did not have to seek her approval.
Mom was a vibrant young woman with her entire life ahead of her. For someone so young she took extremely good care of me. I’m told I was a bit of a tantrum child quite young which I’m sure left my mom and dad beside themselves. Is anyone prepared for a two year olds tantrum? I know I wasn’t when my two year old had one. Did I react like my mother? I was quite a bit older than she was but did that change my reaction?
How much is ingrained through experience and how much is acquired through education and time. Do our genes take over or does time and experience mold our biological traits? That old nature versus nurture I learned about in college still challenges me to this day.
When I think about me being like my mother I see similarities in personality. Physically, we are similar in height but I was never as curvaceous as my mother. This trait I was totally envious of. My straight small breasted figure could not compare to her voluptuous Marilyn Monroe body. My boyfriends were all enthralled by her… and I mean to the point of them literally almost drooling in front of me. It was a time in my life when I wanted my mother to hide in the closet. Lol. There was no doubt my body and my physical attributes did not compare in the least to my beautiful mother.
So, why specifically do people say I’m just like my mother? I’m guessing I do possess many of her mannerisms. Mannerism defined as a distinctive behavioral trait, especially one that calls attention to itself. The one that comes to mind immediately that I have over the years tried to reign in is my volume. We, I would have to admit are not in the least quiet. Not to say I can’t be quiet… I can at times. 😊
I have to say that it is what I have sometimes struggled with. It is more a learned behavior than an actual inherited trait. I was extremely quiet as a child. I really wasn’t that loud as a teen either… except when I did cheer… I was not a very confident young person.
I have to truly admit I wasn’t very confident until much later in life. My loudness though started to creep out more so during my college years and progressively throughout my life. I used to say I’m loud because I’m Portuguese and Italian.. ya know you blame undesirable traits on anything you can….
I have to say my son-in-law put it very nicely one day when we were discussing how different I was from his own mother. Jeanne very quiet and soft spoken. He turned my undesirable trait and turned it into something more palatable. He told me he would describe me as “passionate”. To say the least, I can be passionate about a lot of things.
My mother is extremely gifted with her sewing skills which she also shared with her own mother. This skill seems to be shared with a lot of our female members. I personally do not possess the expertise that they have but I can hold my own and I do enjoy creating and crafting.
We also share the cleanliness gene… haha I’m not sure there is such a thing. But she is a tad bit more OCD than me. Growing up I found it almost unbearable to live in such detailed neatness and cleanliness. But now, I wish I had more of her organization and drive. Believe me, I do like it clean but I for some reason cannot be as organized as she is. Everything in it’s proper place.
The one thing I did inherit that I am grateful for is her dancing gene. That woman can dance. From the jitterbug to just free forming it. She enjoys it like no other. And if I didn’t get the beautiful voice that she has at least I can dance. I still wish I could sing like her. She may be loud but she has a voice like an angel.
Click to see mom in action
Mom doing a little intro dance
So, as I age I find myself saying to myself…..” you have so turned in to your mother”. People were and are absolutely correct. I may not look like her but I say a lot of the same swears, idioms and expressions. My kids will stop me and say “mom you sound just like Noni”. If nothing else I couldn’t and never wanted not to be anything but like my mother – both the good and the bad. If I am like her as everyone says we are, both imperfect, but even in our failures our intentions are good.
Having two grown daughters I’m pretty sure I have heard at least one of them say…. OH MY GOD, I think I’m turning in to you mom….. Sounds pretty scary for both of them. When I look at both of them I see each of them possessing different parts of me. We are so connected as the science says how could they not end up being somewhat like me. All I can say is good luck Alaina and Kassia, may you have only inherited my good qualities. I personally will call out any negative ones as originating from your father!
Natalie
One of the nicknames my father doned me as a child was “L.M.” What did LM stand for you’re probably wondering? Little Maureen. Now Maureen, of course countered back with her own “LJ=Little Jim” at times. My counter to both of them has always been… you chose each other.. not me.
Why is it that most of us have an adverse reaction to hearing we’re like our mothers? I remember the first time someone told me “We all inherently turn into our parents” and immediately thought not me and mind you, I actually really do like my parents.
For women, I think there is an extra emphasis on “turning (or not) into our mothers.” Maybe it’s because motherhood has traditionally been so intertwined in the female experience. When I compare myself with my own mother, I frankly don’t think we’re that similar. And when I think about my Mom and Grammy I don’t think they were that similar either. I would described them both as tough women, but in different ways.
When I say, I don’t think my Mom and I are that similar I want it to be clear that’s not from a lack of admiration. If I’m being honest, my Mom has allotted me a childhood and life that granted me a lot of opportunities and experiences that she did not have. Though she would disagree, I know I do not have even half of the strength my mother has. And like I said before, I am lucky that she has given me a life that hasn’t required me to. She’s always done her best to allow me to be sensitive, anxious, and cared for. On the other hand, she has always been a caregiver from a very young age.
She is the third of eight children but the oldest daughter. (So really she is the oldest child as Grammy never required the same responsibility from her sons.) An obvious contrast to me being the youngest of three girls. She had my oldest sister when she was 23 years old. I am very much without a two year old. Our experiences in adolescence and young adulthood were just very different so I think many of our differences are natural. I know there is so much of my mom’s life before me that made her the woman I was blessed to have raise me.
I would have loved to see my Mom at my age. I think I am probably more similar to that version of her. I have come to love a gin & tonic; her go-to drink back in the day I’m told. She mentions all of the beauty practices she used to indulge in, her fitness routines, and love for day trips. All very pertinent parts of my current 20s. It’s funny what things we inherit without even knowing.
It’s always talked about how parents watch children grow and maybe it’s because I’ve only had experience as the latter but I think sometimes we overlook how children also watch our parents grow. I’ve seen my Mom change so much from when I was little. Her temper has softened and patience has grown. I see her have her own new experiences. She can accept fault honestly and gracefully. She likes the cold less than she once did. And the biggest difference of all, she is a full on cat person now.
As a child, you can only see your Mom in relation to you but as you grow you see them for their own person. While maybe not “similarities” there’s many things I have mentally book marked to emulate in my mother especially when I have children of my own but also as a sister, wife, and a woman in the world. Most of all her devotion to family, whether that be her children, husband, siblings, friends, and even own parents. She is ten toes down in good and the very worst of times. The type of woman to drag you out of hell and not ask for much if anything in return. So while I may not think we are “similar” per say, so much of the good in me is owed to her.
“To Strong Women: may we know them, may we be them, may we raise them.”
