INTRODUCTION
Today the focus is on the matriarchs we all know and love as Grandmas, Nanas, Mimis, and anything else these wonderful woman may be called. Once again, this piece will contain two different generational perspective, the mature and the young. We hope you enjoy your current or past memories as you read ours.
DEBORAH
In a month where we usually focus on Mother’s Day, I felt like writing about the importance of grandmothers. Obviously, all grandmothers start out as mothers and aspire to someday attain matriarch status. Some of us attain this status earlier than others whether we are ready or not. Due to my own mother being very young at my birth, I’m sure my grandmother was just as unprepared. Maybe I shouldn’t say unprepared just not totally immersed. Surprises sometimes take a little bit of acclimation after the shock factor wears off.
I must admit as excited as I was to become a grandmother it kind of made me feel … yup go ahead… you can say it Deb… “OLD”. When I think of the word “grandmother” visions of little ole gray haired ladies come to my mind. I’m not gray… I’m blonde!! ok… maybe I’m hiding some gray in there somewhere. lol One of the first things people ask when they find out that you will soon be a grandmother is of course, “what are you going to be called?” There was no way I was going to be called anything that was going to reinforce my image of being old. I refused to be that stereotype.
When my grandmothers were still with me I never thought of them as old. Both were so full of life and neither one had gray hair. I had two NANAS. Funny, as I did not want to be called the same name as my counterpart, no offense Jeanne. It was going to be easy for my granddaughter to differentiate. Our family referred to one as Nana (my mother’s mom) and the other as Nana Souza (my father’s mom). If anyone left off the Souza I never knew which one we were talking about!
As a child I couldn’t wait to go to my Nana’s house. Every Friday night I got to sleep over. I clearly remember looking forward to going to the supermarket with her ( I would get a toy- they sold them in the grocery store back then), having something I really liked for dinner (I was a picky eater), and rocking in the chair with her before she tucked me into the twin bed with the pink blanket. Those were my early memories but I would love going there even as I got older. Many times she would come to babysit at our house and she would share my double bed. I loved it when she came over and hated it when it was time for her to leave. I also spent time with my other grandmother, Nana Souza, but more so when I got older. I lost my Nana when I was a young adult newly out of college but I was fortunate to have my other Nana (Souza) into adulthood. We became even closer after I had my own children as she embraced being a great grandmother.
My own mom became a grandmother at a ripe old age of 46. It seems way too young for anyone to be called grandmother. But she was and she became known to my children as Noni. Noni embraced her role and took on being the matriarch like a force of nature. My kids so looked forward to her visits. Not to diminish my father (Papa) but we are talking about grandmothers here. She played, sang to them, rocked them and went to every grandparents’ day. They adored her and still do to this day. It was probably not easy being a young mom but I would say in the end it turned out to be a blessing. Our bond as mother and daughter became even greater as we now shared a common thread, we were both mothers. Her youthfulness has allowed her to not only attain matriarch status as a grandmother early, but super status as a “great grandmother!”
I never worried about my kids when they were in my mother’s care. I never worried when they were in there other grandmothers’ care either. The Balog children were lucky to have three grandmothers. I’m sure you can figure out how that occurred. But actually they had FOUR, Noni, Grammy in the Mountains, Grammy Balog and Nana Souza. They were lucky enough to have a great grandmother for a good part of their lives as Nana Souza being a tough ole woman stayed with us until 2012. We became very close after I had my own children as she embraced being a great grandmother, especially since I had the only boy in the family. She adored all her grandchildren but since she had all boys herself she definitely fell in love with my son.
Grandmothers get the best of both worlds. We get to relive elements of motherhood by helping with caregiving. But then we have the luxury to go back to our empty nests and concentrate on ourselves. Watching our offspring experience the wonders and joys of parenthood is fulfilling in so many ways. As grandmother, for the first time we can relate to their children in a way never before experienced. Our grown children now understand the level of worry for this human being that they brought into the world. As a grandmother, you now have double the ache in your heart when they experience pain. One for your own child and the other for theirs. .
Grandmothers are such an integral part of our children’s lives. Their constructive discipline is sometimes more receptive to a child than their own parents. They can spoil without feeling guilty. They can be teachers, listeners, and guides. They are known for their wisdom as they have lived through many trials and tribulations. Grandmothers are a source of refuge. If I can live up to the legacy of both of my grandmothers it will be the pinnacle of my life. I have opted for an easy, concise name for my grandchildren. Short and sassy- just NAN. May Nan live up to both of her amazing NANAS.
And BTW all those OLD names are returning. https://stacker.com/family/100-vintage-baby-names-coming-back-style This generation is naming their girls after all these old women, once young.. God, I love my Nana Souza but I do hope and pray someone does not bestow Beatrice on their sweet baby girl. OMG it is on the darn comeback list I referenced above!! My granddaughter luckily has Beatrice’s sister’s name.. Alice, I can live with that one! As the old saying goes it’s an oldie but goodie!
NATALIE
On mother’s day, we celebrate (of course) our moms, some of us our aunts, other maternal figures, and finally grandmothers. It has been quite a few years since I had a grandmother with me to celebrate on Mother’s Day. My dad’s mom who I simply called Grandma passed away at 87 when I was just six years old. I don’t have many strong memories of her unfortunately. I laugh at the stories my dad shares of her. Specifically how her cure for everything was “just put a warm cloth on it”. Quite the contrast to today’s standard of care.
Both my sister and I carry on her memory through our names. Tatum chose “Bernadette” for her confirmation name because of its similarity to our grandmother’s name “Bernadine”. St. Bernadette is the patron saint of illness. Seems fitting since I’m sure most of us have spent a few sick days with our grandmothers. My middle name “Rowe”, of Irish origin meaning red-headed, was her maiden name. Being one of seven sisters and having a brother who passed young, there was no one on her side to carry on the Rowe name. My dad felt giving it to me as a middle name would be a nice way to honor her and keep it in the family.
I was very close to my mother’s mom, who I called Grammy (and sometimes Miss Rena). Grammy passed away at 87 as well but in January 2018 when I was 18 years old. She was born and raised in Mississippi and later went on to graduate from Tennessee State and ultimately moved to Pennsylvania with my grandfather. She was the mother of eight, grandmother of fourteen, and great grandmother of four at the time of her passing. Since then, the number of great grandchildren has grown to six. I spent a lot of my time with Grammy when I was young. Anytime I was home sick from school, I was at her house. In the summers she would paint with me and teach me how to sew, two of her many talents. My favorite recipes of hers were her banana nut bread and peach cobbler. Although always willing to make them, she was not quick to share her recipes🙄.
I loved looking through her wardrobe and jewelry and definitely inherited a premature affinity for red lipstick from her. It seems like she had a hat, a pair of sling back shoes, and matching pocket book (she always said pocket book, never purse) for every occasion. I’m thankful to have been given first pick of her closet after her passing. Knowing how much she valued her vanity, I cherish being able to hold on to and wear her pieces, especially the dresses (checkout the dress below).
Grammy was a very resilient woman. She lost her parents when she was young and her relationship with my grandfather was quite tumultuous at times. I’m sure there were many battles she faced unknown to me. I witnessed her struggle through tough times of losing a son ( my uncle Steve in 2012) and her battle with alcoholism. She could be a tough lady but I like to see it as a manifestation of her strength. As a pair, Pop-pop was always more outgoing & laid back than her. I think about the lyric from Bette Midler’s Wind beneath my wings “So I was the one with all the glory, while you were the one with all the strength”. The latter was definitely Grammy. I guess that’s what matriarchs are about, being a point of strength for spouses, children, and grandchildren.
There are many moments I wish my grandmothers (and grandfathers) were here. I especially miss them on holidays, at monumental moments, and especially when I see my parents missing their moms. For Grandma, my dad’s mom, I wish I got to know her better and have more memories. For Grammy, there’s so many things I wish I could share with her now. Whether it be a simple phone call about my day or her presence through difficult times.
My mom sometimes refers to me as a Mini Rena. I haven’t given much thought about what I would be like as a grandmother. It just seems too far away. I do like the idea of a mini me in red lipstick as I was to her. I would like to hope that by then I will have developed a few of my own signature recipes. Unlike Grammy, I’m sure I’ll be more willing to share 😉
Lovely piece ladies! Really enjoyed reading this. Love you and thank you fir sharing!
[…] and if you don’t know who that is you should visit our last years post on mother’s day https://femininefindings.com/grammy-nana-nonna-avo-babcia-gigi-mimi-how-much-do-you-love-your-grandm… Her taste in clothing and accessories is very similar to my own. I remember the night we both came […]