For my first entry of my new endeavor I am sharing a piece I wrote two years ago. It was originally written with the hopes that it would be published in an on line magazine for women over 50. I was told it was really good and they were definitely going to use it as a featured article. To my dismay this never came to fruition. I’m guessing it had something to do with my political stance. It amazes me how in this day and age, that when people find out you might not think exactly like them you become immediately unworthy. A sad phenomenon that occurs all to often these days. An unfortunate reality of Facebook. Closed minded people will use it against you.
Well, just maybe I don’t need them! It has taken two years but I am jumping in ON MY OWN! I need to jump on this before I miss the opportunity altogether. There are no guarantees I get to live this life over again, now is there?
June 2017
I ran into a fascinating woman a few week back while boating. We had an exchange as she was interested in the satellite system on our boat which just so happened to be my husband’s line of work. Long story short, her inquiry was based upon her contemplation of working on her boat as she recently decided to take an extended sailing trip and needed internet. I, trying to be polite during her conversation with my husband asked her what line of work she was in. She told me she had started a business (after a long career as a lawyer) that was an online magazine targeted at women over fifty. Struggling with my own feelings as a women in my mid fifties this just shouted out at me… She had managed to do what I longingly wanted to do but could not find the courage, change my life.
Maybe this was a sign? Do you believe in signs? I don’t know if I do but why take the chance and ignore it? Whether it was or wasn’t didn’t really matter as I got a glimpse of what could be. And maybe my suppressed desire shouldn’t be suppressed anymore. Sometimes all we need is someone to show us it is possible. I decided to take the plunge and write a piece for submission to her magazine which you are currently reading. Applause please…
Better after fifty you say? (name of magazine) Is that really so? Or are we just trying to convince ourselves of this to ease the pain of the transition. I have been asking myself this question for five years. According to the census bureau, by 2019 when the last baby boomers have turned 55, 29% of the population will be 55 or older. So, we as a group have been getting quite a bit of attention. Of course brought on by ourselves. The sheer number of us has created our own cult.
In a time when the average life expectancy of a women is 81, do we consider 50 to be old? Well, we are more than halfway to 81 so I most assuredly can say we cannot be considered young. Although, I do love it when people say “oh but you are a young fifty.” What the hell does a young fifty look like anyway? I guess we can try to call it middle age but 50 is NOT the middle of 81!! Ugh! Am I really old? The things we say to try not to use that word. Such a stigma! I’ve been throwing out the AARP cards I get in the mail for the past five years!! Denial might work, what do you think? Probably not but I am going to keep trying.
When I was a kid I thought 50 was old. Now, I absolutely reject that idea of course because I am fifty+. I try to find the silver lining everyday but I certainly have difficulty. I want to believe that fifty is better but sometimes it really is a stretch. Maybe I need a support group. Really? Seems totally ridiculous? Shouldn’t I just list the pro’s and cons on a sheet of paper to solve this? There has to be way more pros than cons but what if there aren’t? I’d rather have someone say to me “but you are a young fifty.” and not think about it.
I don’t know… My mind doesn’t feel any different except for the fact that I seem to forget a lot of things. Where did I last put my keys? What did I come into this room for? Is this early onset Dementia or Alzheimers? Or is it just too much on my mind as my latest google search suggested? I juggle far less today than I did when my kids were home. This definitely freaks me out!
My body at times does feel old. I wake up feeling stiff until I start moving around. I guess I should exercise more but I hate exercise. Does anyone really like it? I truly don’t buy it if they say they do. I guess when I look back I was exercising and didn’t really consider it exercising. Running after kids, yard work, cleaning, playing tennis..Sitting at a desk all day doesn’t really qualify as exercise does it? I’m contributing to my own decline. Get off your derriere and move and maybe your body won’t feel so bad.
I pretty much hate the physical changes in my body due to the effects of “menopause”. We certainly got the short end of the stick here, pregnancy and then menopause…. Really???? Talk about torture. I’ve never really had too much to complain about physically other than my height. But that is something you cannot control, it is what it is, all four foot eleven of me. But it wasn’t so bad when you were between a size 0 and 2. Now I’m a whopping size 4-6 and at my diminutive stature I feel FAT!!! Yes, all you tall gals can scoff and make jokes but in reality short women do not hide excess weight well at all. A size 4 on a 5’6 woman certainly looks better that on a 4’11 woman. So be it… I guess it could be worse. Today we embrace all body types…. even at 50+?? Right? Someone please confirm this.
So, taking a look back I think why in god’s name did you not love yourself? Why so much self doubt and uncertainty? BUT NOW I do like myself. Regardless of the things I don’t like about this transition, I”m good with who I am as a person. And I really don’t care if anyone likes me or not. I am comfortable in my own skin in lieu of the unwanted changes. I have had many experiences, some good and some bad and I have made plenty of mistakes along the way. NO one is or ever will be perfect. We can only strive to be better than we are today and not be so hard on ourselves and others. Being 50+ I finally understand. Maybe women under 50 will read this and get a jump start. I hope so as I feel I wasted so much time. But for me and maybe others, truth be told maybe it is better AFTER 50.
So there you have it. My initial submission that went nowhere. I felt it was worth sharing even if they did not. For some reason they had a change of heart. But as I said in the piece, I am good with who I am. If I’m not your cup of tea, then so be it. I just wish I hadn’t waited so long to take charge of my own destiny. I hope someone enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. More truth to be told… “it’s never too late”. Unless of course you are no longer walking on this earth. Every day is a gift. Take heed my fellow procrastinators. Carpe diem! …