For myself, the holiday season officially wrapped up on January 6th. Now, this day has become pretty infamous for other reasons in recent years. But I still choose to associate it with the official end of the Christmas season: feast of the epiphany, the twelfth day of Christmas, celebration of the gifts of the Magi.
Spot on that the giving season wraps up on the day that the three wisemen delivered gifts to the newborn Baby Jesus. From some pretty limited research, the gifts of the Magi laid the premise for the modern day gift giving we do at this time in the season. For some, shopping, wrapping, (returns), and all that encompasses exchanging gifts is one big headache. I happen to love it (for the most part).
While I of course feel the practical stresses of gift giving (cost, timeliness) there is nothing I love more than a well curated and perfectly presented gift. It’s why I buy next year’s wrapping paper on December 26th. And for me it’s not limited to the Christmas season. I go all out on Valentine’s Day, Birthdays, Spooky Baskets in October, and all those random “this reminded me of you” moments. I just really enjoy gift giving.
So, why the talk about gift giving? Gift giving is one my primary love languages. The five love languages are gift giving, quality time, physical touch, words of affirmation, and acts of services. Do you know your love language? if not, here’s a quick quiz. The love languages were first developed by Baptist Pastor Gary Chapman but today the concept is pretty mainstream.
As you can see from the quiz, love languages are often talked about in regards to how one receives. I’d like to focus on the reciprocity. For myself, I find I have different love languages for how I give and receive. I tend to give through gift giving and words of affirmation. In a tangible way they pair together quite nicely. A heartfelt note on a greeting card and a well thought out gift.
I think the tangibility is something I like about both of them. I know words might not seem “tangible” but think about the writing in a card, a long text message or a voicemail. I know of course the saying “actions speak louder than words” but the feelings that come from genuine expressions of gratitude and adoration really are very powerful and affirming. It has to be part of the reason why we stand up and say vows, don’t you think?
While those are my top two languages for giving love, I feel most loved through acts of service. It’s so special to feel someone is willing to give you their time and energy to make something better for you. Sacrificial may be too harsh sounding of a word but I think that’s why it means so much. Like a “you are worth the exertion, whatever that might be”.
“To be loved is to be seen.” and I feel acts of service are when I feel the most seen. The moments of I see your stress, I see your anxiety, and I did something to ease your burden. I think how much it meant to me being helped through all my car struggles; an area where I lack expertise. Just a nice reminder of I want you to be safe and cared for.
Even seemingly small chivalrous acts like opening a door or being moved to the inside of the sidewalk. As trivial as they seem the forethought speaks volumes of letting someone know that you are deserving of these efforts.
I looked for some definitive evidence on if men and women give and receive differently but did not find anything concrete. Maybe it’s my personal bias how mine fall, but if I had to guess I think women would give more through the expressive ways like words of affirmation and quality time while men through the more practical things like acts of service. However, being that I didn’t find any explicit reports on a difference, this may be one that really is more about the individual. Or maybe the “science” behind love is a field still yet to be explored?
Well, we will continue our own exploration of love in the next few weeks. While the season of giving may have concluded; \we are deeming February the month of love. Check back in to hear from my co-author on her experiences with love languages.
“You can give without loving but you cannot love without giving.” -Amy Carmichael
Words well spoken and my feelings on this subject 100%. Little acts of kindness and helpfulness means more than words can say. To me ,yes it means you care, and sometimes we have to give more of ourselves than what we expected.