Here I am, for the second month in a row, somehow still bringing up Love Island? My initial summer entertainment wrapped up early July. The daily episode reminded me of the comfort of watching TV and movies. I know, it’s still not the best habit in the world to end your night with any screen BUT an hour spent on a show/movie does seem better for the brain than an hour scrolling posts, tweets, and clips. Maybe that’s just my brain?
My co-author and I have been indulging in some shared recommendations the past few weeks, particularly the Netflix Original Ginny & Georgia. For any of you who are unfamiliar, the series explores the dynamics of a mother and her teenage daughter as they both try to navigate their place in the world. There is a hefty amount of generational trauma they are both trying to learn from and undo. We see Georgia’s unconventional methods of mothering, most of which born out of survival. Ginny struggles with all the classic teenage issues on top of her hectic, unstable, homelife. One storyline that is explored is Ginny’s experiences with self injurious behaviors; she burns the inside of her thighs with a lighter.
When I started my current job, I had never heard the term self injurious behaviors (SIB). I’m sure most of us have heard of “self harm”. Most likely the pictures that come to mind are cutting, scratching, burning, etc. Though often used interchangeably and only a small change in verbiage; SIB denotes inflicting physical injury. I’ve found myself reflecting on the term and the thought of “self harm” in general. How does one get to a place of finding such comfort in hurting?
My recent cinematic recommendation was Beautiful Boy on Amazon. It details a father and son’s relationship through the son’s battle with drug addiction. Based on the true story of David and Nic Scheff; you can also read David’s blog for a synopsis https://www.davidsheff.com/my-addicted-son.
Substance use is considered a “risk factor” for self harm and vice versa. Both intertwined with several other “risk factors” like anxiety, depression, legal/criminal problems, financial troubles, etc. To me, it seems really like a correlated, reciprical web much more than a linear risk>outcome. Like the most dispiriting game of chicken or the egg ever: Do you get high because you’re depressed or are you depressed because you get high? Do you isolate because you’re anxious or are you anxious because you isolate? I could easily list about a hundred more of the same type of questions but how do we make sense of it? Why do some of us fall victim to our vices so hard?
I think often of the nurture versus nature debate. It’s generally accepted that both our nature and nurturing interact and affect each other. I have to say, as I’ve gotten older, I do lean more to the “nature” understanding than the nurture. We tend to focus (deservingly so) on inner city communities when we think & speak of “at risk youth”; at risk for what exactly? The “definition” of an “at risk youth” is a child who is less likely to transition successfully into adulthood. Though vague, we all have images of what we mean an unsuccessful transition into adulthood looks like: substance use, self harm, crime, and in the worst cases fatality.
Of course there are patterns and norms but I’ve always been baffled by the exceptions. Those who despite (or in spite of) their upbringing are able to develop positive coping skills and make it through life. On the other end of the spectrum, how common is it to see individuals who had all the “protective factors” (financial stability, trustworthy adults, access/opportunities) also fall victim to addiction and self harm. Are we simply just wired that way or is there something deeper to speak of regarding what the human condition needs to flourish?
As I said in our May post, at this point in my life, I find a lot of my thought processing goes to “How would I handle this as a mother? What would I want for my children?” Working with maladapted adolescents is quite the hands on for general “Dos & Don’ts”. I too have my own experiences with managing my mental health that impacts my philosophies. I think my own early misuse of anxiety medication was eye opening and scary. Especially when we are looking at SIB, addiction, and suicidal ideation, it’s such a slippery slope to have medication be such an immediate intervention.
I think we talk about Mental Health more than ever. I would say “mental health awareness” is the mainstream line of thinking. In many ways that’s a blessing. To think of how we used to hide and shame these conversations and how many lives were burdened or lost is tragic. In other ways, I think we have “lost the plot” a little bit on meaningful action. There’s a fine line between representation/relatability on some of these topics and leaning into harmful effects looking at social contagions regarding SI, SIB, and substance use. It’s why news outlets don’t report on suicides much anymore. I think of shows like 13 Reasons Why and Euphoria and social media like Tumblr or Reddit. There’s so much conversation around mental health but so many spaces where it is doing more harm than good.
I hope for us all and for our future generations we find a way to have impactful and balanced conversations regarding mental health. I would hate in my lifetime to see the pendulum swing back the other way and society goes back to invalidating and ignoring these issues especially for our youth. Mental health is a part of over all health and wellness. And as I said in June, “an ever evolving field with countless contradicting opinions”. My wish remains the same, that we are all able to find the balance that best works for ourselves.
If you or anyone you know is having feelings of SIB- Text CONNECT to 741741 for free, confidential support from a trained volunteer Crisis Counselor, available 24/7.
Deborah
Writing about self-harm is challenging for me. Honestly, my generation had never even heard of self -harm as a “thing”. I can say I never knew anyone that was committing self-harm as a youth. Now, I guess I should clarify the term “self- harm”. Today, “self-harm” refers to intentionally causing physical harm to oneself, cutting, burning, scratching, self-hitting, pinching, head-banging, piercing skin with needles or sharp objects, hair pulling, or inserting objects under the skin. Did my generation do things that were harmful to them? Yes, but in an indirect way.
As youth, most of us struggle with acceptance at some point whether it be of ourselves or by others. This is very typical. I guess for some more than others. Anxiety and depression seem to be much more of a social problem today than ever. My generation was not immune to the common struggles of bullying, identity, fitting in or family dysfunction. But the way we internalized and coped were the well-known drinking and drug abuses. Back then the focus was nowhere near as concentrated on mental health as it is now. Were we more resilient? Something has changed.
Since Self Injury is considered a disorder but not a diagnosable mental health condition statistics are not very reliable. Non suicidal self-injury (NSSI) is supposedly on the rise. According to a study of teen self-harm https://www.brightpathbh.com/teen-self-harm-statistics/ in the US between 2020 and 2022 emergency room admissions for self-harm among girls aged 15-19 rose by 30% and 42% for girls aged 10-14. Most studies indicate it is more common among girls and transgender boys, who are biologically female. Although not exclusive it appears females self-harm more than males.
I have to say through all my struggles growing up I don’t think it ever occurred to me to hurt myself. I tend to think females struggle image wise more than boys. I remember when anorexia and bulimia became a form of self harm. I don’t recall knowing anyone in my generation but it became a big concern during my daughter’s generation. I’ve read that individuals who exhibit SIB do it for a way to exercise control not to kill themselves. So I can see eating disorders also falling into that category as you are inflicting it upon yourself and controlling the outcome. These behaviors are obviously byproducts of some serious emotional struggles that need to be addressed preferably with a therapist.
The first time I ever had access to a therapist was in college. And trust me I had many struggles growing up. My parents fought constantly, I got bullied in school, and I was constantly trying to gain the approval of my parents and my peers. I don’t think my parents once thought that I needed therapy. Maybe their thoughts were, unless we were continuous abusers of drugs or alcohol we were absolutely fine mentally.
I decided to seek out a therapist because I was experiencing enormous guilt for being attracted to a roommate’s boyfriend who was secretly pursuing me… (great guy right? NO) I continuously tried to put him off but I was in a bad place myself and his attention seemed to be filling a void. But I could not live with myself, and it was causing me so many problems. Even back then the first thing they suggested was anti-depressants. I refused. Instead of working with me to get to the root of my problems this was their answer, even back then…. So disappointing. I ended up coping with it but it was not an easy time for me. I made many mistakes and learned through all of them.
It’s unfortunate that the mental health of our youth is deteriorating by the day. I sit here and wonder why they appear not to be able to cope as well as previous generations. Do they have more to stress over than we did? I think social media is probably what exacerbates the problems and the unhealthy solutions. I don’t think anyone would argue that. What pains me more is that with all the support systems we have now, medical professionals still rush to medicate. I’m not denying that medication can be necessary at times. Ideally, it should only be a last resort. In my humble opinion, most of us just want to be heard and maybe reassured & validated. That what we are experiencing and feeling is not “abnormal.”
Maybe we need to take a closer look at ourselves as an evolving species. With all the technology and advancement in the world why are we losing ourselves? It’s almost like no one has any coping skills anymore. Should people who are planning families have to take parenting classes? What harm could it do? Should we teach classes on depression, adversity and exclusion instead of diversity, equity and inclusion at the school level? Would learning how to cope with life’s challenges be more useful than trying to point out past inequities? Are we not already supposed to be operating on equality for all? Isn’t that in the Declaration of Independence?
IDK, life will never be totally fair or easy for most… Shouldn’t we try to help our youth be able to navigate in a world that is unpredictable? We kind of set them up for failure making life as easy as possible for them while indulging them in so many dopamine rushes. Is it hard to believe we are experiencing generation after generation numb and unfulfilled? I yearn for the old days when we were able to be bored and had to find ways to fill our time. when chores were expected to be done, when families gathered for Sunday dinners and we all attended church. When we played board games and played outside until dark. Don’t get me wrong, nothing was perfect but somehow we seemed to have more grit. But that is coming from a biased baby boomer….